Simple Minded Child

Fr. Daniel's talk at Purdue

2011-10-27T23:03:00.001-05:00

Concerning religion

2008-08-03T22:01:00.004-05:00

"It's all the same thing anyway." she said when I started to tell her about the church I belonged to.
"As long as you believe in Jesus, everything else doesn't matter." Was the advice of an unlikely friend made when the bus to Chicago was two and half hours late.

It took me a long time to get comfortable with the Orthodox Church. I didn't like it at first. To me, it was weird, challenging, and the services were just too long. I was Evangelical Protestant until I was 14. I was comfortable with it.

I was homeschooled so all my friends belonged to the Covenant Church I went to. I knew that if we decided to switch churches, I would no longer see them every week. I was the one who protested.

My family decided to go to the Saturday service at the Orthodox church and the Sunday morning service at the Covenant Church. I was ok with that. Then they decided they really did want to be Orthodox. At that point, we stopped going to the Covenant Church forever. What a strain that had I me! I was a lonely (remember, all of my friends were Covenant), self-conscious little girl who didn't know the first thing about being Orthodox. When I was Covenant, I had all the answers. The Orthodox church seemed to have a different way to view everything.

Please understand, it was no easy thing for me, a proud 14-year-old, to become Orthodox. My family became catachumens (one of the first steps in becoming Orthodox) a few months before I did. After a while, when the Church had an answer to everything I threw at them and when I felt they really did worship right, I started to let my guard down.

Years later, after I became Orthodox, I was in the strange position of explaining certain aspects of Orthodoxy to a group of Catholics. Many of my friends are Catholic and they go to something called "Catholic Truth League" every Friday. After that they hang out together. So I came to hang out. Well, I was suddenly the Orthodox authority in the group. I would spend a few hours a week looking up the topics that we would cover that Friday. My bookmark file was full of legit Orthodox doctrine websites.

I had come to believe that being Orthodox is very important to me. It was hard for me to become Orthodox. It meant leaving some friends behind. But even as a proud kid--I did it. I am Orthodox because I believe it is right. I believe it is true. If you tell me it is all the same, then you are belittling my search for truth. Believing in Christ is important; knowing what He meant helps you fulfill that goal. The fact of the matter is this: it is not all the same.

A timeless tradition meets the internet

2008-06-27T12:10:00.013-05:00

I was looking for a good chocolate chip cookie recipe. So naturally I googled it. My finding are as follows:

Some take the scientific approach.

Some need step-by-step concise instructions.

Some just add bacon.

Rules of war (and friendship)

2008-06-19T19:52:00.007-05:00

I want to argue with someone. Someone whose beliefs are different than mine. Someone who wonders where my ideas came from. I want to have a passionate debate with him about things that really matter. Then I want to go to movie with him.

Basically, I want to have a serious discussion with someone who has different beliefs than I do but still be friends.

I have less and less of those deep conversations nowadays. Everything feels so skin deep. Even conversations about something very important can be shallow if both parties are not listening to each other.

If you know me, you most likely know I am very against abortion. In most cases, I view it as a way to jerk the responsibility a couple has come to acquire by having sex.** I view it as taking the life of another person. Now granted, many people don't see it that way. Many people don't view having sex as a responsibility. To me, I see it simply as this: if you are going to have sex, be prepared to have a child. It is a fault of our society that people think it is their right to have sex without consequences.

Now I'm going too far into my beliefs and venturing away from the point of this post.

When I try and have a conversation with someone who is not against abortion, the result is usually personal attacks. That doesn't help either of us. When I debate with someone I have two purposes. #1: In all things, seek truth. #2: Learn my opponents arguments so that I may defend my own. Debates are how people can sharpen their arguments and, very very rarely, change their minds.

I once was at a pro-life display (non-graphic in nature). I stood there and handed out fliers. One lady came walking quickly through the display and yelled as she passed, "Who's going to pay for them once the baby is born? Have you thought about that?" To which one of my friends mentioned the agency that we support to help women through that scary time. "Oh, so you just pawn the women off on them?" By that point, she was out of earshot. But our group volunteers and donates to that agency! We have the answer but she just didn't want to hear it. I know that someone with her viewpoint debates with the purposes I mentioned in the previous paragraph. I wish I could meet that person.

The last thing I would like to mention is this: I may not have the answers to all of the points a person bring up in a debate. But that doesn't necessarily mean that I should abandon my post right away. In fact, I think it would be irresponsible and arrogant to do so on the spot. I say it would be arrogant because that would assume I know everything about my side of the topic. Instead, it is my responsibility as a debater to say, "I didn't think about that, let me get back to you." Of course, if I cannot find an answer (after MUCH searching) then I should look into change of my own beliefs without ignoring the (true) points I brought up in the past.

Yes, I might be too idealistic. But what do you expect from me? I'm a college student.

** You should know, I feel that anyone going through this situation deserves great amounts of love and respect. I'm not trying to "judge" anyone going through that decision. I don't know what that person went through before coming to that point. However, I do feel that abortion doesn't fulfill the doctor's oath "do no harm". It is risky for the mother and fatal to the child and it is happening everyday.

Dancing the summer away

2008-06-17T23:03:00.002-05:00

So I've joined the Purdue swing dancing club, "Purdue Night Train". What else am I going to do this summer, learn? psht.

I think it's a good move. For one, I have entirely too much time on my hands. I couldn't really handle going from a multitude of clubs and schoolwork during the year, to one hour of Spanish class a day. Also, it's just fun. I mean, I get to dance to music that was written by Louis Armstrong and Frank Sinatra. What more could I want?

Plus, I was really ashamed of my lack of dancing skills. I was telling a friend this recently. Dancing is my biggest weakness. Not too many people have witnessed this, but those who have know that I am not over exaggerating. When put on a dance floor, I am so uncomfortable, I actually bring down the mood of the people dancing around me. It's horrible to watch. I put my hands in my pockets and just stand there with a goofy smile on my face, trying not to be too depressing. But when you're trying not to be depressing, you've all ready lost the battle.

But with swing dancing, I know what I'm supposed to be doing most of the time. And here's the best part: the guy leads! With little nudges, I know where I supposed to go, but only seconds before I do. So it's relaxing and challenging at the same time.

The hardest part about Purdue Night Train is remembering everyone's name. We switch partners quite often so in one lesson I have to remember about 10 different names. I think I'm doing pretty well. So far, I remembered everyone's name that has remembered mine and a few that didn't. But it's only the second lesson. I have plenty of time to make a fool out of myself the rest of the summer.

Well, I must go write a Spanish paper. Adios!

A come back?

2008-05-11T21:10:00.005-05:00

I had fully intended on letting my blog rest eternally. It could romp with the other forgotten blogs, some devoted to beloved pets and the other ever-popular teen blogs with a single entry ("OMG i hav sooooooo much drama!!!!!1 ;D"). I thought my blog would enjoy retirement.

Then a friend from church stumbled upon the blog and told me he liked my writing style. I was happy, of course, that someone had enjoyed my blog but I didn't actually think I'd start writing again. But with more and more frequency I started thinking about things I could write about. Now I'm sitting at home, on the same couch where this blog was first created, and I'm feeling nostalgic. So here is goes.

I was chatting with an old high school friend (I've only been out of high school two years, am I aloud to say that?) when she asked me how sophomore year went. To which I answered, "stressful, life-changing, and eyeopening". This year I completely over-committed myself. During a typical week, I had an organization meeting or activity every night. When I look at the year now, I realize what happened. I didn't want to do Engineering anymore. I was done. So I escaped from it using perfectly legitimate activities. The hardest part of it all was that I was getting decent grades. I had no reason academically to leave Engineering.

Let's talk about that, shall we? Schools sometimes drive me nuts. A 'B' can mean anything from, "I tried really hard but just couldn't get an 'A' " to "I really couldn't care less about the class but I turned in a couple of homeworks and went to the exams." I try to follow a strict code of academic honesty. Believe it or not, when don't understand a subject, I want to get a bad grade. I don't want to slide through a class in a cloud of ignorance and gain nothing from the experience.

So I ended up doing a lot of extra clubs. I joined Students for Life, C.S. Lewis Society, got more involved with OCF (Orthodox Christian Fellowship; an Orthodox college group), Catholic Truth League (A Catholic apologetics group), and became a volunteer at Matrix Pregnancy Center (a pro-life, agency that helps mothers AFTER choosing life for her child). While this time in my life may not have been the best time academically (sorry parents, if you're reading this), I feel like I've learned so much more about people. My horizons have been broadened; my eyes have been opened; I have been enlightened; I can see clearly now the rain is gone. Well, maybe not the last one, but you get the idea.

With each year, I'm finding that people are much more complicated than I was taught in my childhood. For example, when I was in 1st grade, we all wrote compliment books to each other on our classmates birthdays. My birthday wasn't during the school year, so I got mine at the end of the year with a few other summer babies. I remember flipping through it. "She's very nice," was the #1 comment. At that age, I thought people were either "nice" or "not nice". Now, as I'm meeting a multitude of people, I'm seeing that people can't really be separated into categories like that. So many things contribute to that brief moment where two people meet for the first time: Things they have done, things that have been done to them, general mood at the moment, talkatively, comfortability with new people.

The most exciting thing about meeting someone is the challenge of finally breaking that outer shell of the person and learning why they "are the way they are". That's a bit clique but I think it applies to me now.

One thing I didn't foresee as I'm growing up is the realization that most adults at church won't just walk up to me and say hello anymore. I'm a scary college student now, not the little girl with messy hair and a mischievous smile. I need to be the one making people feel welcome now. For some reason, that transition has been difficult for me. When I was younger, I meet so many cool adults. Am I adequate for this role? Should I be allowed to "shape young minds"?

Then again, some things that had been obvious when I was a small child and later discarded, are obvious to me again. I am thinking in particular about loving all people and being a friend to those in need. I went through a short phase of thinking, "I'm in college. I can pick my friends." Huh. I tried to tell that to God. Nope, He always decides, for some reason or another, that I am going to be friends to some interesting characters. But I can't turn these people away from my help because God has called me to help. What a selfish mindset I had! I just wanted people who could help me. My other error was presuming that I didn't need certain people. Who am I to say which people God can use to affect my life?

This year I met someone who has profoundly changed my life. I don't think he realizes how much of an impact he has had and he might just be too bashful to ask if I am talking about him. I really saw God in this young man. He just treated people right. He made me feel welcome all the time even if the conversation wasn't always flowing. When it did, he never had anything bad to say about anyone. He sought truth. He followed his conscience. He made me feel good for helping others even if it was not convenient for him. That quality is underrated in people.

I've often had to deal with two different groups of friends. One group hated the other. If I invited "Joe", I would be disliked all night and probably ditched. I despise that very much. It's one of the most horrible things a person can do to both "Joe" and I. It says that you think "Joe" isn't worth your time or energy. "Joe" is a second-class citizen. "Joe" is less than you. That really angers me when I can't see anything wrong with "Joe". Now when there is a "Joe" who might be a little more annoying, and someone accepts them anyway without me having to ask. Wow. I found that quality in the young man I met this year.

This young man wasn't afraid to ask the hard questions. He wasn't going to be lukewarm. He was either going to be sure of himself or seeking the answer. Take a gander at Rev 3:16.

This year was year of breaking down stereotypes. The more people I met, the more they didn't fit into the categories I made for them. I really got to know people deeper this year. I cracked that outer shell and found something truly unique in everyone. If I pushed them anyway right away because I thought I knew them, I would never have found it. I'm friends with people I would never have thought I would be friends with. And I am very glad I am.

Through all of this discovery, I was able to choose my major all over again. I knew I wanted to do Computer Science (computer programing) ever since high school. When I was younger, I used play like I was making gadgets. Then when I was in high school and tried out programing and was actually good at it. It was too perfect. My life has been a bit split up. When plans were made they were often broken. This was not any fault of the plan-makers--things change. I thought I would be in public school all my life but I was home-schooled after 4th grade. I thought I would work at my childhood camp but we switched churches (more about that to come). You see, plans would be made and I would get excited and then things would change.

So I think when I had mistakenly gone into Computer Engineering thinking there would be more programing and there wasn't, this was just another one of those times. Plans change. But I wasn't looking at life in the way that I should have. My plans were changing for no reason. If I am a seeker of truth, I should switch back to a major I will be good at. I realized that this year.

You may or may not know, I just spent a week in the Dominican Republic over spring break(probably more about that later too). Some people were living in absolute filth and there was nothing they could do. They are living in a place were they had very little choice for change. Whereas I could change something I was unhappy about and I wasn't changing it. It was an insult to people who had no power over their lives.

Well, to sum up, I learned a lot about other people and I'm switching into Computer Science. Oh and this means I'll probably be another year at school. (Because of the major switching, not because I learned a lot about other people)

Have a good week. God bless.

Switchfoot Concert at Purdue

2007-04-17T23:25:00.000-05:00

Check out this video of the leader singer of Switchfoot crowd surfing at Purdue! I was up near the guy who kept taking pictures with the blue and white stripped cuffs on his jacket. I'm not sure but I might be the person at the very very end who sticks her hand in the air. I was wearing a brown jacket.

The Insights of the World Wide Web #5

2007-04-01T23:55:00.000-05:00

I was trying for while to write a good intro to this website but I can't describe it. You MUST go there for yourself. This guy makes products he hopes companys will adopt.
http://oooms.istvan.org/

Insights of the World Wide #4

2007-03-15T01:17:00.000-05:00

http://www.iparklikeanidiot.com/

Okay, this is just awesome.

Life is change?

2007-03-12T01:48:00.000-05:00

I first heard this claim when I came to Purdue. Perhaps you've heard of Judson Laipply. No? How about the evolution of dance guy? If that doesn't ring a bell, you're a little behind in your youtube. Here, take 6 minutes of your life and watch this. Now, you might not have realized (I know I didn't) that ol' Jud is a motivational speaker. Yup, even though it says that on the video, I find that most people don't know that. Anyway, I was thrilled when he came to Purdue the first week I was there. So he started talking and the biggest thing I remember (besides the dancing at the end to symbolize how things change) was the distinction he made between two truths of life. He said,
"Number 1: There are things in this world that we cannot control. And 2: There things in this world that we can control." Let's look at the first half of the quote first. It seems obvious and yet, it was very helpful to me. He went on to explain that we shouldn't worry so much about the things we can't control. When I think about the things I complain about I realize most of them are things I have no power over. What use is that to worry about?

Matthew 6:25-27
25"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? 26Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? 27Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?

So you see, for Christians, the stuff we can't control are in God's hands anyone. That seems pretty convenient, don't you think?

And now the second half of the quote. But the things we have power over, is what we should focus on. So in effect, the part of life we have power over needs to be constantly changing to adapt to the part of life that we don't have control over. Which brings us back to the beginning of this post; life is change. Have you thought about it yet?

Okay, so you're born. Immediately you have to learn how to crawl, walk (or in my niece’s case, how to walk and then crawl), and talk. Each year, once you're in school, you're put into a different grade, new teachers, and sometimes new classmates. For me, and many others I'm sure, completely different environments to grow up it. Private school, public school, home schooling, etc. You always need to learn and adapt. Life is change and the more you learn to enjoy the changing and adapting, the more you'll enjoy life.

I've been thinking a lot lately about my life. I realize that I hold onto everything. I mean, come on, I haven't cut my hair since second grade. I hold back from change because I know how people react right now and I know I can handle that.

I realize that I need to approach my life with those two truths in mind. From those truths I'll ask myself: Can I change what I don't like? If I can, how? If not, leave it alone. I like that approach better than my current one. (My current one happens to be thinking about how something could've happened if I'd have done "B" instead of "A". Kind of like a choose your own adventure game except I always lose.)

In the next few weeks, I think you'll see a new me.

Thanks for reading!

Insights of the World Wide Web #3

2007-03-12T01:31:00.000-05:00

Okay this isn't quite the traditional insight. This website could actually aid you in your day-to-day life. However, like most good websites, you can waste considerable amounts of time on it.

http://www.wikihow.com/

This website shows you how to do......anything! It's completely editable too, like it's encyclopedia counterpart.

Enjoy!

When it comes to relationships.....

2007-02-10T13:34:00.000-06:00

..I'm the dumbest one. I decided to start out with the typical song quote. I don't think I've ever started that was but, hey, if it works....

I've got some questions here I guess. All my life I've been the type to not tell people what's bothering me. I don't like bothering people with my issues. If I do, I feel like I'm being "a downer". People come talk to me but that's different. I don't ever feel like my problems are worth it. I have stupid problems. There are a few people I'll talk to but that's only certain people and only when something is about to make me cry--even then sometimes I just keep it to myself. I keep a journal that contains all kinds of "stuff" but I think someone would get bored reading it. I really only keep it because it helps me sort out my thoughts. I know my journal won't care if I change my mind.

My point is I feel like I have this point where I can't get close to people. I don't know why this hasn't bothered me until now. I guess at times it kind of has. I just thought things were different because I went to Lakeside where everyone lives so far away from each other. It was hard to get close to people. But now I'm in college where all my friends pretty much live within a block of each other. Most of my friends live in the same building as me. I can't make that excuse to myself anymore. I still try though. I find myself saying, "Just wait until next year when we're all on the same floor. Then I can just drop by..."

I'll get pretty close to people very fast but then I'll get stuck. Other people take their time and can get even closer to them. I find I'm really good at just meeting random people. I've had this "skill" pointed out to me before. But getting close to them is nearly impossible. I think that's because I don't share my problems with people. I'm just not that type of person normally. I mean, should I be?

I've always know I am "different". People always seem to remember me. I stick out. Maybe it's just my hair or the way I dress, but people seem to know me. I was never the kid who teachers couldn't remember my name. I don't know if that's a good thing or not. I think it's more of just a fact. At Lakeside, people seemed to know my name who I've never heard of or seen before. It doesn't help that I suck with names too. I felt like a horrible person when I know someone really well but don't know what to call them.

I wish I knew what people thought of me at Lakeside. Was I talked about? I guess part of why I'm thinking this is that one of my friends said she meet someone from Lakeside at college. She mentioned that she is friends with me. The girl from Lakeside said, "Oh she's one of those types." or something like that. It doesn't really bother me what this girl thought about me. Her opinion doesn't matter to me. But I wonder what my friends had to take to be my friend. I know I was a little off freshmen year; I was a different person back then. It just makes me wonder and appreciate my friends more. I remember freshmen year some upperclassmen would pull on my backpack because I wore one in school. They'd laugh when I turned around. I can take people making fun of me when they're my friends. I'd laugh too. But when complete strangers do it, it's like they're just using me for a laugh. People don't just do that to someone, they had to have been thinking or talking about it for a while. What a stupid thing to make fun of a kid for too. Come on, wearing a backpack? IT'S A SCHOOL. They probably don't even remember it anymore but I know I'll remember it for the rest of my life.

That was kind of a tangent, but oh well. I think that needed to come out somehow.

A few nights ago I was writing in my journal and I decided to write down some of my fears. It's different than if I were to do that for a school project. You remember there was always some teacher that would make you do something like that in a class journal? If I were to that at school I would probably put something like a close friend dying. But I realized that I don't really fear that. I mean, if that did happen I can't imagine the pain I would go through but as of right now it's not something that's constantly haunting me. It's because I don't think it could really happen. A fear, for me, is something that has a high chance of happening. So I made this list and was surprised to see that all my my fears were losing contact with certain friends. I don't really care about my future; I don't fear it. But I fear losing my friends.

I think part of it is because I've had so many different environments it's crazy. Let's see, there was the really early grades in Homewood, 2-4 at Crestwood, home schooled through 8th (a small amount of time at an alternative school/home schooling kids together type-place-thing), 8th again at Westside, high school at Lakeside, and now Purdue. Each time I've come up with a completely different set of friends. Except Kristi. I don't know what I would've done without her. I lost it a little when she went to South Africa for six months. And of course my family. I don't know what I would've done if I hadn't had my brother.

I guess what I want to say is that I don't know how to get close to people. That sounds overused. Perhaps it is. But I really feel like there's a point where I can't get close to people. Maybe that's because, save for a few people (Kristi, my family) I never really have. And it never bothered me until college. Part of me wants to say right now that I'm depressing and I'll get over it. I half want to erase this whole post. But that's just proving my point that I don't ever tell anyone anything.

I love you all.

I have nothing to write about

2007-02-08T19:23:00.001-06:00

It's true.

Good band, bad morals

2007-02-06T22:23:00.000-06:00

"The Vacancies have been described as exactly what the music industry is missing right now raw, solid powerful bass lines and riffs combined with lyrics that are infectious, unpretentious and completely relatable."
http://www.purevolume.com/thevacancies

So I've been digging the discount bin that is eMusic.com and I came across The Vacancies. eMusic's kind of a crazy website in that sometimes they only have one song by a paticalar artists. The song they had by The Vacancies is called Save Yourself. At first I was really into it, finally a hyper tone, with lyrics that you don't have to look them up on the internet to know what they're saying. The line: "no one's gonna save you save yourself" yelled at me to change my life because no one else will. I think that's a really good message. It teaches a responsilbity to one's life.

But then they started knocking the church. I don't know why bands have to do that. I loved their message up to that point. It was blaming the church for people that "pretend things are okay" it bothered me because I don't think that's the church's message at all. It's more along the lines of the church telling you "You really screwed up, but there's hope. See I know this Guy.... ". I know that you have to envoke change in your own life, but sometimes you can't do it on your own. You need someone to help you whether it be a good friend or Christ himself. I guess I think their message is missleading.

And come on, think of the good things that happen in your life, were they purely your doing? They weren't for me. When I think of the best things in my life, I remember times when I was completely against them. When I was homeschooled, I told anyone who would listen I hated it. But looking back, I realized what my parents did for me. They kept me away from middle school for one, but they also gave me a fighting chance when I went to Westside and Lakeside. I had no idea when I was pulled out of school that I could barely read. I didn't care either. But I needed them to help me whether I liked it or not.

News for the New Year

2007-01-04T19:26:00.000-06:00

As usual I wrote about a paragraph of a post and through some random turn of events the post got deleted. Well that pretty much broke my spirits. So instead of writing I'll just post pictures. They're more fun anyway.

This is my niece cleverly washing her hands. She also enjoys washing her crackers before eating them but sometimes she just drops bits and pieces of her meal into the cup. We usually end up dumping out a cup full of soggy veggies and crackers because Maggie wants something to drink.

My sister taught Maggie how to smile for the camera. Could anything be cuter than that?

These are pictures from my first time out on the new boat. My brother and my dad decided to get one soon after I left for college so as to ensure the traditon of getting cool stuff when a kid can no longer enjoy it. When I say "new" I mean the boat is new....to us... the boat is older than my brother and the motor is about 30 years old. The picture of my dad up above I took because I liked the way the sun reflected onto his sunglasses. I think he must have bought thoses glasses for 5 dollars somewhere when we were on some trip or something and (like a true member of our family) couldn't throw them out because they still work.

Here are some pictures of friends. I miss them all bunches.

These pictures of Justin and I are almost opposites and I find that funny.

You've all probably seen this picture but I really like it. I love New years at Ryan's.

My biggest news that I don't have a picture of is that my sister is going to have another baby! According to my sister he/she is about the size of a raspberry. I'm really excited and I'm sure you are all going to hear a lot about the newest kid as much if not more than you all hear about Maggie. Happy Posting everyone!

A sad moment

2006-09-04T13:31:00.000-05:00

From the official Croc hunter website:

Media statement – 4 September 2006

Steve Irwin

At 11am today, the 4th September 2006, Steve Irwin was fatally wounded by a stingray barb to his heart whilst filming a sequence on Batt Reef off Port Douglas for his daughter’s new TV series.
Emergency services were called from Cairns Rescue Base and met Croc One, Steve’s rescue vessel at Low Isle on the Great Barrier Reef.
The Croc One crew performed constant CPR during the thirty minute dash to Low Isle, but the medical staff pronounced Steve dead at approx. 12 noon.

His producer and closest friend, John Stainton said on Croc One today,
“The world has lost a great wildlife icon, a passionate conservationist and one of the proudest Dads on the planet. He died doing what he loves best and left this world in a happy and peaceful state of mind. Crocs Rule!”

Postin'

2006-09-02T19:34:00.000-05:00

I wrote the following post a month ago and forgot about but I decided to post it anyway.
--------------------
Around my birthday I when on vacation to Ohio. That's almost as exciting as going to Indiana for school. :) Actually, I think I'm gonna like it mostly because the school's big. I never really felt quite comfortable at Lakeside. At big schools, stuff just happens, with or without you. You can choose to be a part of it because you enjoy it. Not because if you don't stay with it, there won't be an "it".

So yeah, Ohio was alright. I spent a lot of time with my niece. She's about 13 months old and is practicing walking. She won't walk on her own yet, you have to let her hold your hands and then she takes off.

I talked to my roomate a little whle ago. She's really nice. We have mostly the same philosophys about illegal stuff--that it's illegal and therefore shouldn't be done.
-----------------------
I pretty much agree still about what I said. I actually really like being at a big school. They can afford to do so much more than small schools. You'd think that being at a big school would be harder to learn but I know of so many places to learn OUTSIDE of the classroom. There are so many help rooms for individual classes. Plus you can join these supplimental instruction (SI) things for an hour a week and they help you follow what happened during the lectures.

For me, there's always something I can do to make Purdue feel smaller. I can join clubs or do stuff with my floor, or join an intramural, or go to a SI class and get to know people from my classes. I absolutly love Purdue.

I went to my first college football game today. It was pretty crazy. When there was a touchdown people in the student section would lift someone and push them up and down for as many points we had so far.

They had so many traditions of their own I had to learn. I knew it was different from HS when there was a bad call the student section would chant Bull Sh*t over and over again. I can just picture Mrs. Bauer coming up to us and...you get the picture. Which, in all honesty, is probably a good thing. Altogether though, the game was pretty fun. We won 60 to 35 or something like that which I guess is dissapointing because they were playing ISU (Indiana State) but we won so I was happy. I still don't know what a safety is though......

Well, I'm gonna go have a Laudry/Chemistry party. I hope all is going well. Yeah.... how long it took me to post something? about that.....

Insights of the World Wide Web #2

2006-07-20T19:23:00.000-05:00

Quite possibly, a little sacrilegious.

Meet my new addiction

2006-07-04T13:33:00.000-05:00

City of heros

Parents don't know how to whisper

2006-07-04T12:17:00.000-05:00

I'm conviced of that fact. When two adults get married and they starting having children, a ball of earwax beings to build itself up in the ear. This causes two things. First, they will ask you to repeat almost everything, and second, their whispering skills suck. And now what they said is visable to everyone with access to a computer.

So I'm downstairs lying on the couch when I hear my mom talking to my dad about my future. Seriously, why don't parents go into their rooms or something? I mean, who hasn't overheard their parents conversing about your life, but leaving the "you" part complently out of it? Seriously, come on guys! Anyway, they happened to be talking about a subject I thought they'd already decided for me. The subject was camp. They talked about if we were still Covanent they would have allowed me to work there. But what got to me is that they said if I was growing up I should put away childish things. (I'm pretty sure that's a quote from Romans) First off, I'd be working at camp. When I was a child, I got godly instruction from the adults working there. What is a less childish thing than being a rolemodel and a teacher to those kids? There's another thing, if I'm such an adult and should put away childish things, than how come I'm not involved in conversations about my life?

Then comes the suprising part. They start saying how they know the guy who runs the camp. I think that's partly due to a little letter he wrote them (see post below about camp). And that since the Orthdox camp is only one week I could still work there too. So is there hope after all? Have my parents been a little swayed since the letter? I'm such a camp geek!

Meeting new people is easy in Indiana

2006-06-25T18:54:00.000-05:00

<----This is my friend. He kept me company during a tornado warning. I'm in Indiana visiting Purdue and my new church down here. I was talking to this guy at the church who is a student at Purdue. He said there wasn't much to do here, but I already made a friend!

....grumble....grumble....

2006-06-22T12:06:00.000-05:00

I hate it that my boyfriend lives 30 mintues away and neither one of us has a car. I'm gonna stop now because I don't want to complain.

Needless Nonsense

2006-06-20T22:04:00.000-05:00

I wanted to make this my blog picture but the computer said I needed to put it on the internet. So I logged into my snapfish account and posted the image. I faithfully copied the address of the image and pasted it into the text box. When I clicked 'continue' I saw what no one wants to see when they fill out a form on the internet. I saw the page again but this time with a twist. A simple yet, evil little red sentence pierced into my brain. Ok so I'm being a little too dramatic here but the text box has a limit of 68 characters! I mean, why put a limit on it? Even if you did put a limit, why 68? Why not 70? Anyway, I posted the picture here so I could put it into my profile.

The Insights of the World Wide Web

2006-06-18T23:01:00.000-05:00

Now this is what I'm talking about.

Graduation/Smaduation

2006-06-13T02:07:00.000-05:00

I'm in one of those moods where everything is annoying. I know anything that comes out of my mouth right now is total crap and I won't mean it in the near future so I don't say anything. However, not talking is frustrating because I feel like the only way to get out of this mood is to say something. So I figured a blog is a safe place to do that and maybe change the subject a little in my head.

I graduated from highschool. It doesn't really feel like in happened. I keep saying it again and again to make it more real. It doesn't even feel like summer yet--just a really long break. I guess I just have really skeptical emotions.

It was nice to go to a graduation where I knew more than one person walking across the stage (or in our case, the floor. Don't you know? We sit on the stage, silly people...). Before the ceremony, Ryan S was handing out bouncy balls to give to whoever gave us the diploma. I love how when I mentioned us doing something like that to my friends they look at me like I'm nuts but when Ryan does it that's normal. He just has that way with people I think. He's friends with everyone.

I sat in the second row so seeing the brightly colored bouncy balls wasn't hard. I enjoyed guessing with Rachel B which person presented the diploma-giver with a bouncy ball. She's got a rough, sarcastic exterior but she really doesn't hate most people. I think she just likes giving them a hard time. It was pretty hilarious when Caitlin R had a bouncy ball. No one expected that at all. The whole top ten cracked up.

My grad party was last weekend. I told all my friends to come around 4:30 because Dan K's party was the same day and ended at 4. Which meant before then I had all the church people come over. I knew my party was depressing at the beginning because only two people were there at 2:30 and they started talking about Stalin. My brother asked me if he should start calling random people out of the phonebook to liven the party. I was considering the idea when my youth group leader came and made things more exciting. He has three little children that enjoy Mountain Dew and running around my house. It didn't feel like too long after that when my friends started arriving and it gave me an excuse to stop having the same conversation over and over again. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy talking to people from my church, but everyone asks the same questions and after a while it can get dull.

After attempting to get my friends hooked on Mystery Science theater 3000, we went down to a soccer field near my house and played kickball with a giant green swishy ball. I'm pretty sure everyone had a good time. Whenever I have parties, that's the only thing I hope for. I guess I'll be one of those moms that always brings her kid's friends cookies and stuff.

I still have so much to say but I don't want to keep writing. I don't know about other people but I get scared of long posts.

I gotta get this out

2006-06-02T21:26:00.000-05:00

I was gonna finish writing a post about graduation but I can't right now.

Have you ever been in the heat of a argument and you know it's not going to end well? And then, something horrible inside of you showly pushes it's way to the surface. The horrible thing tells you not to stop because in a strange and twisted way you're getting some kind of sick enjoyment out of it. Then that moment comes where you feel your blood shoot through your body and your month opens and that horrible thing yells out an ingenius yet awful remark. Then there is silence. You won and yet you completely lost. You realize that him being hurt by your remark means he respected you. This from someone you deeply respected and you thought people could only repect him not you. A frown is premently engraved on your face and all you want to do and lie down on the floor and stare at the ceiling. You just want to say you're sorry but that wouldn't really fix things.
Yeah, me too.

The Future is Relative

2006-04-10T16:00:00.000-05:00

I remember the first day of grade school. The teacher was at the head of the class and we were all sitting on a rug. I wish we rugs to sit on in High school, those were the best. Anyway, my teacher, Ms. Sokol, said,
"Now does everyone know how to spell the word 'the'?"
"T-H-E." The class chimed together. Everyone except for the late bloomers like me who would sort of say it a half a second after everyone else did hoping that if they said it loud enough that that would make up for lack of speed. I guess 1st graders don't know that the speed of sound only depends on the state of the substance it's going through and the temperature of the room. Lucky, lucky kids...

Anyway, then I remember third grade. I was not on the ball at all. We had to learn our times table and then we'd have these battle of the forth graders' knowledge. There'd be two lines facing each other and one kid in one line would say a multiplication fact like "5 * 5" and another kid in the other line would have to answer it before the time ran out otherwise he'd be out. The sevens always screwed people up. I wonder why that is. I was pretty horrible at the math battles.

Finally, when I came into High school, I realized it's been nine years since the I couldn't spell the word 'the'. I know back then I didn't think that. I probably didn't think about high school at all much less college. Now I'm in the last quarter of my senior year and I can't help but think of that wonderfully scary moment when I clean out my locker for the last time knowing that this time next year I'll have finished my freshmen year of college and one step closer to being an engineer. (Ha! Take that multiplication facts!)

I guess what I'm trying to say is that things change. God works them out. Though right now my future may seem grim or stressful, I don't know how God will shape my life. When I look back on this day ten years from now, I'm sure I'll marvel at the path God has taken me on.

Life as a Camper

2006-04-01T16:03:00.000-06:00

My favorite place in the world is Covenant Point (a Christian camp). Ever since I was in third grade I went to Point. If you count it out, estimating four weeks to one month and including weekend retreats, I've spent about three months and three weeks of my life there--I've never worked there before.

Now is about the time of year I miss camp in the pit of my stomach. It happens every year about this time and it goes away by signing up for senior-high camp. However this year, I'm too old to go. Now I miss camp greatly. I told someone about this and they practically laughed at me. They figured summer camp is for little kids and I must be one of those people that doesn't know how to grow up (this is true, but not the reason I miss camp) They don't really understand. Point is more than games and candy. It's religious and I think that makes all the difference. There's something really cool about being around Christians that really care. Point is full of people like that because you certainly don't work there to earn money. So the counselors come for a different reasons. Most come because this is their camp or because they want to help kids along their walk with Christ.

It's just that every time I've gone back to Point I feel like I'm home. Not only because the land is familiar, but I know a lot of the people who work there. They keep being pulled back by the Lord who I believe says to them, "Hey, your work here isn't done just yet." Now I think I'm feeling that pull too. I can't tell you how many people have told me I should be an Island director (head of "The Island" at Point) or at least work there. However there are some things, or should I say, some people, who are stopping me.

In eight grade, my family converted to Orthodox Christianity. At first I fought it, but then I realized it's truth and converted along with my parents and the rest of my family. When we converted I remember my mom assuring me that I could still go to Covenant Point--Point being my now former denomination's camp. However when I was a sophomore I recall my mom suggesting I stop going to camp because there is an Orthodox camp now. I refused and pointed out her promise and she relented. She still made me go to the Orthodox camp, but trust me, it wasn't as good. Now I guess she wants me to cut ties with Point because she won't let me work there. I don't want to completely go against my parents because they're paying for most of my college education and they kind of are responsible for my existence.

(Here comes the real point of this post)
So a few days ago I sent Point an email. I asked those who know me to send a letter to my parents and rationalize with them to let me work there. If I could get enough letters perhaps they'll cave. When summer time comes, I'm thinking of sending the staff brownies in order to guilt a letter out of them. I know I look like a fool right now, but this place means that much to me. I don't mind looking a little weird if I can go back to Covenant Point.

Go For It

2006-03-21T13:05:00.000-06:00

I'm the president of my Soyo (My Orthodox church's youth group). I have these ideas but I'm always scared to do them because all the kids are younger than me. They have different ideas about the world and what would be fun. I also have to check things out with my supervisors first and I'm sometimes unsure of what they're expecting. So nothing ever gets done because I'm always too scared to do them. Ya know what though? I'm sick of it. I'm going do it. I talked with my Godmother today about this and she verbalized something that's been floating in my head for a while. "Just do it!" she said. It needed to be said. How can you expect something to be a certain way if you don't make any plans for it to be that way? That's it. I've had it. I'm going for it.

My Two Lives

2006-03-20T21:29:00.000-06:00

I've been struggling recently with who I am and who I was. I used to be able to say I am a productive, hard working person but lately I'm not so sure. I'm not very good at getting right down to work. I think lately I need a deadline around my neck like a noose before I can get started on something. Even things I enjoy I need to be pressured into doing. I'm not really sure why. Sometimes I feel like I'd rather spend my time staring at the wall and thinking than actually getting something done. I'm such a moron sometimes. But I still wish people would see me as who I was which is completely stupid I know.

I've got to act. I need to pressure myself. Each decision I make shapes who I am. I need to realize that. I read in this book once that the difference between Hitler and Mother Teresa started at first with a small decision. For me it could be the decision to do my homework early one night. Decisions blaze the trail of who I am. I need to make the right ones.

The report card game

2006-03-13T18:30:00.001-06:00

Recently I read an article called "College Pressures" for CPE. Click here to read it. I would highly recommended it. (By the way when I looked up that article I found about a million papers to cheat off of. If I wasn't completely and thoroughly against cheating, school would be really easy.)

I think I've lost the ideals of the curious and naive mind-if that made any sense. I don't really want to learn anything anymore I just know I can't fail high school. I've become so obsessed with grades that I haven't made an effort to improve myself. I know what knowledge I need to pass a test but I don't spend the extra time to really know the material.

My brother and I were talking about school and I came up with the idea of going away for a year. There's this place in Mexico run by my church that takes in orphaned boys. (The boys are the first to get kicked out of orphanages when there's overcrowding) It introduces them to the Orthodox faith and provides a home for them as long as they would like to stay there. It also builds small but comfortable houses for families in Mexico. Anyway, they have internships there and I think that would really help me out of my slump. Just to get away for a year and know there are more important things in life than my stupid "future".

I know I wouldn't be able to follow though with this plan because everything in my life is rolling and to stop it now is suicide. But I wish I could. I don't know. Maybe I'll go down there for a week or something-just to try and get my naive ideals back.

I don't really know

2006-03-13T18:03:00.000-06:00

I want to start a blog but I don't really know how I can support yet another activity in my life. I feel guilty that I've been reading other people's blogs and seeing into their heads without allowing them to peer into mine. This is only a start. I don't know where to go from here.